Why did the chicken cross the road?
by Raganarok
Summary: So, Why did the chicken cross the road? Find out inside. one shot, Crack-fic.


So, Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Lelouch: (evil smile) Well, you see, the chicken's crossing the road was all part of the diabolical plan... (chair collapses in an anime-style dust cloud complete with a nice shot of his twitching feet)

Kallen: (innocently) Oops.

Cornelia: Because I threatened to disembowel it with a plastic spoon!

Shirley: Hey, it can't do that, it wasn't INVITED!

Sayoko: (grabs chicken) I'm not letting you cross the road by yourself. It's too dangerous.

Nina: (blank) ... Chicken... What chicken?

Lelouch: (watching it on vid screen with traditional evil smile) that's it, chicken. Cross the road and into my little trap. (Chair collapses again and he lands in another undignified heap with little stars floating around his head) Ee, sparkly flamingos!

Lloyd: Its helmet must have been malfunctioning!

Cecile: I KNEW IT! THE CHICKEN IS STALKING ME! (gibbers and starts pressing random complicated buttons while clutching tinfoil hat)

Suzaku: Okay, I'm letting it go just this once. But let me warn you, chicken, this is highly against the rules. If the council found out you'd been crossing roads... (makes slit-throat gesture)

Shirley: Perhaps its standard-issue wings weren't good enough.

Jeremiah: Chicken, I can't pretend I know your reasons for doing this, but I just want you to know, I'm behind you every step of the way.

Millay: I dunno. Strip poker, anyone? (is bonked by some random object) Ergh... get your twisted little mind out of the gutter...

Lelouch: (pressing an icepack to his head and looking more than a little... woozy...) I'll think of some witty, sarcastic and highly evil answer to that in a minute. Can somebody do something about these damn singing flamingos? I don't like the way they're looking at me.

Rivalz: Those chicks just can't keep away. Chicks? Get it? Chicks? (is bonked by some random object from offscreen) Hey, can't I get a word in? (is bonked by another, larger, heavier object from offscreen) Honey, ease up on - (is squashed by a large cast iron bathtub) I feel unloved.

Suzaku: I can't let the chicken get injured in line of duty! (dashes nobly out into traffic, grabs chicken from impending doom at the tires of an eighteen-wheeler, rolls off the edge of the road, and shields it with his body)

Nina: What, are we still talking about chickens?

Lelouch: (recovered somewhat) I think there's a website that has something to do with this. Anyone seen my laptop? Damn flamingos.

Lelouch: The chicken must go. It's getting in the way of my intricate plans for world domination.

Cornelia: I could lend you a few squads to take care of the chicken. But I gotta warn you, it's like killing a mosquito with a machine gun.

Kallen: (polishing machine gun offstage and admiring her new stuffed mosquito trophy) HEY! There's nothing wrong with that!

Clovis: (drawing diagram that looks like several molting giant flamingos getting attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes) Okay, this is the road...

Bartley: You mean the noodle.

Clovis: No, if I had drawn a noodle, it would have looked like this. (draws a ball of yarn)Bartley: That's a ball of : ... It's a rare kind of Pakistani noodle. And this is the chicken... (points to giant molting flamingo)

Bartley: Are you sure that's not a flamingo?

Lelouch: NEVER SAY THAT WORD IN MY PRESENCE!

Bartley: Which one - are, you, sure, that's, not, or flamingo?

Lelouch: AAAH! (rolls on the floor, clutching his head and fending off visions of vengeful flamingos)

Clovis: (completely oblivious) Then if you add the estimation of feather drag to the ratio of asphalt to tires, then you get this... (draws something that looks like... erm... a pack of vicious weasels getting eaten by flamingos while waiting in line at the, Then you can see why the chicken crossed the road. Comprende?

Lelouch: (smirk) Because as soon as it crosses the road, I will not let it leave.

Nina: (leafing through her copy of the Encyclopaedia Britannia) There's no entry about this.

Rivalz: (miraculously resurrected) Cruisin' for chicks, yeah... They're always prettier on the other side of the road. (is hit by another cast-iron bathtub from above) Hey, hurt me all you like. I know and you know, deep down inside you love me. (is hit by two more cast-iron bathtubs and a cast-iron toilet for good measure)

Lloyd: (bored shrug) Well, I suppose if you really wanted me to, I could analyze its brain wave patterns and detect why it desired to cross the road, but... not really worth the time.

Lelouch: According to my calculations, the odds of it surviving are 42 to one against.

Shirley: The chicken has to cross the road to renew its store of magic energy. Otherwise it'll run dry.

Sayoko: Damn chicken! It's got some kind of shielding device... The tires are just bouncing off it!

Kaguya: MOMMY! THE CHICKEN IS COMING TO EAT ME!

Euphemia: (offstage) I refuse to take part in this fic. This Raganarok person is just too weird. (is shoved onstage) Uh, to get to the other side? (is eaten by giant flamingos) Ahh! The pain!

And the flamingos rejoiced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Author's Sugar high is over, thanks!


End file.
